I recently put myself back on the market and to my surprise found out several of my male friends have had crushes on me. The attraction was discussed there were initial sparks. Potential for a relationship. Yet the words “friend” comes out and then I’m left wondering if this is a person I’m okay with losing? Inevitably I friend zone more guys than I’d know what to do with because I value their friendship and would rather have the friend instead of the lover. It’s easier to be friends and not worry about the potential for a messy break up. I’m definitely not the typical female and I have good relationships with my male friends.
How do you go about walking away from that ideal person if the timing is just all wrong? My heart is broken and my tears won’t dry. I’m forever changed from having known him. He’s the second most incredible man I’ve ever known. I’m just not ready for forever…
Dear single chicks: it’s time to raise the bar!
Recently I read a blog post titled “Dear single dudes: it’s time to man up”. In this posting the author asked “When did men become so afraid to make a commitment, to take the lead, to say what they want, to make long term plans, to set goals, to pursue, to talk about the future?” Well here’s my answer as a single female who is being honest with herself and objective. They became afraid of all those things when women decided to settle for less than they deserve. If she is willing to accept the confusion of “whatever” as how their relationship is being defined. Why would he feel the slightest reason to fully commit? He essential, as much as I hate the saying, gets to have his cake and eat it too. He gets the benefit of a girlfriend without the commitment. There are far too many single women out there who willing accept this as status quo. It’s the norm to be “talking” “whatever” “hooking up”. Some may even agree it’s less messy.
Another problem with why men are afraid of taking the lead is there are more women today that are afraid of commitment than ever before. That’s evident by the need for books titled; “Kiss and Run: the single picky and indecisive girl’s guide to overcoming her fear of commitment”. No mature man wants to have a long term relationship with an indecisive girl who can’t commitment to what her favorite pizza topping is let along a relationship.
It’s so easy to just put all the blame on the men for not stepping up. The truth is we can’t put the entire blame for the down fall of adult dating on men alone. We have to share the blame as single women. We are playing the same childish games the single men are playing. Both sides denying it by using the cliché excuse “I’m not ready for a serious relationship.” How on earth are you ready to take off your clothes and practice making a baby if you aren’t ready for a serious relationship? What the hell do you think that is?
I recently discovered a male friend of mine has liked me since we met. Him and I began to discuss the possibility of pursuing a relationship only for me to fall into the “we’re talking…it’s whatever…We’re both not ready for a serious relationship” nonsense that frustrates me to no end. Here I find myself doing all the things that irritate me about dating today. We need to break these habits of confusion when it comes to our relationships. If we are so scared to tell a man what we want how is he ever going to respect us? When did it become a bad thing to know what you want out of a relationship?
I tend to agree with the author of that blog post, there needs to be a clearly defined relationship and we need to start acting like adults. Those terms and situations may have been acceptable when we were in high school and even college. We are grown adults with lives and careers now. It’s time we progress to adult relationships. Leave the “hooking up” “talking” and “whatever” to the teenagers. We as women need to be honest about what we want. If he has a problem with the fact we aren’t willing to get naked without a commit then he’s doesn’t deserve us. Plain and simple.